8 ways to spark intimacy in your long-term relationship.

Key points

• Be fully present during conversations and experiences and engage in novel experiences.
• Regularly express your appreciation and what makes your partner special.
• Create and maintain rituals that foster connection in daily life.

New Year, More Intimacy

When you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s easy to fall into a routine. The day-to-day demands of work, family, and life in general can leave little time for intimacy. The good news? You don’t need to wait for a special occasion to carve out time for connection. There are plenty of simple, everyday ways to reignite passion and deepen your bond.

Here are several simple but powerful ways to nurture intimacy in your relationship and keep the spark alive:

1. Listen With Full Presence

One of the easiest and most effective ways to reignite intimacy is to show up for your partner with your full attention. In today’s world of constant distractions, being fully present when your partner is speaking is powerful. Whether they are sharing about a significant struggle, a win at work, or mundane daily moments, listening attentively shows that you value them as a person—and this feeling of being seen and appreciated is undeniably sexy. So, put down the phone, make eye contact, and really listen.

2. Add Excitement With Novel Experiences

Passion is often linked to excitement, and one of the best ways to bring that back into your relationship is by doing something new together. Novel experiences create a rush of adrenaline, and that heightened physiology—whether it’s the thrill of a roller coaster or the mystery of a haunted house—mirrors feelings of passion. It’s a way to tap into that honeymoon energy when everything was new and exciting. Think of something outside your usual routine. Try a new sport, go on an impromptu weekend getaway, or even just explore new places in your neighborhood together.

3. Express What Makes Them Special

When was the last time you told your partner exactly what makes them special to you? Compliments and affirmations often become less frequent as time passes, but expressing admiration and appreciation is crucial for remembering why you're with one another. In long-term relationships, couples may say, Why are you even with me? What do you love about me? Regularly acknowledging your partner’s qualities—whether it’s their sense of humor, intelligence, or the way they care for others—helps maintain that feeling of uniqueness and value.

4. Foster Anticipation and Excitement

Sometimes life gets busy, and it’s easy to take time together for granted. A great way to keep the spark alive is to build anticipation around your next time together. Talk about upcoming events or activities you’re excited about—whether it’s a dinner date, a weekend trip, or even a quiet night at home. By actively expressing excitement and creating an air of anticipation, you’re not just looking forward to the event; you’re actively fostering a sense of connection and emotional intimacy. The excitement you build around spending time together can make the moment even more special when it arrives.

5. Prioritize Physical Intimacy

In the early stages of a relationship, dates and intimate moments come naturally. But, over time, physical connection can sometimes take a backseat to other priorities. That’s why it’s important to protect time for sex—just as you would for a date or an evening together with a new person. Sex strengthens your bond physically and emotionally, so try prioritizing intimacy by carving out time for it in your schedule. Yes, that can even include scheduling sex! Expecting sex to always happen spontaneously can actually erode physical intimacy in a long-term partnership.

6. Communicate What You Miss

If you’ve found that connection has started to fade, it's important to be open and vulnerable with your partner. Instead of blaming them for the distance, share what you love and miss about your connection and a suggestion about how to incorporate some time together. This could be something as simple as “I miss us watching movies together at night; can we carve out some time in the next week?” or, “I feel really close when we go to bed at the same time and cuddle; are there some days we can do that together?”

By framing your feelings in a vulnerable and nonjudgmental way and expressing what you’d like to experience again, you create an opportunity for connection without blame or conflict. You’re inviting your partner to share in the effort to create closeness, rather than making them feel criticized or defensive.

7. Create Rituals

Rituals are powerful ways to nurture and maintain connection in a relationship. They’re the small, everyday habits that remind you to prioritize one another, even when life gets hectic. Rituals don’t need to be extravagant—they can be as simple as hugging and kissing before you leave the house, eating one meal together a day, or taking a walk after dinner. Having a consistent ritual creates moments of connection that are embedded in your life together.

8. Be Patient and Communicative

If you’re struggling to connect, it’s important to approach the situation with patience and understanding. Life changes, and sometimes that means your connection may ebb and flow. Rather than letting frustration build, carve out some time to talk openly and vulnerably about what’s been missing. Share your feelings without blame, express your needs, and ask for what you’d like moving forward.

Bonus: Get Professional Help

Don't wait until your relationship has been struggling for years to reach out to a couples' therapist for help. If you're having a hard time maintaining connection or transitioning from the passion of the honeymoon phase to a deeper connection for the long haul, even just a few sessions with an expert couples' therapist can help you reconnect and keep your relationship vibrant.

Small, everyday acts of love and attentiveness are what sustain a relationship over time. So, take a step today—whether it's an expression of appreciation or a fun new adventure—and nurture the connection with your long-term partner.